7 Things Not To Say To A Working Mom

As are most clichés, the image of a working mum as a tidal flood of activity and general busyness is taken out of reality. More out of necessity that desire, the average working mum runs a daily juggling show that would make the Moscow State Circus turn green with envy. This can make busy working mums more sensitive to comments which, perhaps, could be better phrased.

It you run the gauntlet every day, here is a quick checklist of the no go areas and how to get your message across in a more acceptable way.

"Just relax and calm down" The ultimate guaranteed goad to ensure that the recipient of this glib phrase will do everything else BUT relax. It tends to demonstrate a complete lack of empathy and acknowledgement of a working mums stress, without offering any real solution. Want to earn brownie points? Try this instead - "I'm worried about the amount you're taking on and the effect that it's having on you. Let's find a way to help you unwind - how about I look after the kids on Saturday and you head to a spa…..?"

"But you can't complain, at least you get time with the kids" That is true, normally the top and tail ends which are the toughest. Getting kids out of bed and dressed for school and then the tea time frenzy rarely constitutes great quality family time. Rephrase to "Wow, you work and have to deal with the kids too - kudos."

"What, more clothes, do you really need them?" This question is unnecessary, because it can never, ever be answered in the negative- ever. So don't even try.

"Isn't there anything you can remove from your list?" A perfectly acceptable comment on the face of it, but it assumes that everything on a working mums list is not all of a critically urgent value, which of course, it all is. A great comment once overheard from a working mother speaking with her spouse, "not only do I help bring in an income, but I manage to keep our kids alive each day!" A better way to phrase this might be, "Is there anything on your list that I can do?"

"I'm tired." An innocuous statement, but not one which should be uttered lightly. Unless, you don't want to get into a competition of who, actually, has the right to be the most tired.

"Shouldn't you do that like this?" Again while it may be meant as an attempt at helpfulness, it will be interpreted as criticism, especially if it is on a subject the observer has little to no experience in. The tip here is 'seek first to understand' there may be method in the seeming madness, and if there is not, this will become apparent without any further need to comment on it.

"Why isn't dinner on yet?" Do we really need to explain this one? On a par with, "the house is a bit of a tip today."


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Amanda Alexander, Director of Coaching Mums, helps pressure-cooked, exhausted working mums who long for more hours in the day and space to think. Through professional coaching programmes and online coaching courses, Amanda helps mums to create a balanced, fulfilling life that works for them. For self-coaching tips tailored to working mums, sign up for Inspire, our free newsletter, at Coaching Mums